Merry XXXmas

Out for the holidays, so I wish you all an inappropriately dressed Christmas.

OMG. Shoes.

A very artistic photo of our footwear choices for a recent holiday party.

The Gag Gift That (Abnormal) People Actually Want

Snuggies are hot. And not in an "I'm wearing cheap fleece all the way down to my fingers that just won't breathe" kind of way, but in the sense that every store is pushing them as an awesome gift idea. Really?

I thought the Snuggie fashion show was scary, but then I encountered the wall of cult-like leopard robes at Bed Bath & Beyond and started to cry.

Styling Stuff

A few pics from my shoot with Simon Gerzina - check out more on my site.

Go To Paris This Summer...

Because there will be a retrospective of Yves Saint Laurent's work on display at the Petit Palais.

It goes from March 11 through August 29th and will be absolutely worth dealing with uppity Parisians.

Zara, How I Love Hate Love You

My relationship with Zara is much like that of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty.

I adore their image, but then I take them home and inevitably discover that they've gone on a severe heroin binge and trashed my apartment. Or the equivalent in fashion terms.

Whomever is in charge of construction needs to go back to sewing school. I've had multiple garments basically fall apart on my body.

My latest disappointment? A pair of harem / jodhpur-esque pants that look lovely on, but have a busted zipper and a hem that's half falling off.

Past disasters have also included two dresses that ripped up the back when I pulled them on (and no, I did not buy a too small size, I swear).

Zara, we need to talk. Even Forever21 can keep their sh*t together. Work on it, please.

The Kooples Make Americans Look Even Dowdier

This ain't new news, but I'd just like to spread the word about The Kooples, a retailer in Paris that uses real-life kooples for their advertising campaigns. The name came from French hipsters' pronunciations of 'couple'. Kind of awesome, yes? And unlike New York lately, they're all about all kinds of pairs.

The clothes are classic, muted, and best of all, unisex. Unfortunately, I could buy the entire collection and not look as cool as the couples/kooples in their ads. Mainly because I'm not Parisian.

Practice your high school French by shopping their site and reading the blog.

Even Doonan's Tabby Hates How-To Christmas

Simon Doonan refuses to line his cat's litter box with gift guides.

And for good reason, as he explains in his New York Observer column that they are utterly useless.

I have to agree with no-holds-barred Doonan and his respondents, backing the fact that “unless you are a complete f**king idiot you can dig around and find the s**t you need.”


[see also Jezebel, Racked]

Cosmo Proves You Can Have Sex AND The Swine!

Buzzfeed has brought attention to this crucial advice from Cosmo on how to avoid the swine flu. Basically, you can still make love to your potentially infected partner, you just can't look them in the face. Or kiss them.

Oh, and it's much smarter to fist pump a new acquaintance instead of shaking hands. Well, duh.

Bravo To Launch Another Stinker

Like a bug that just won't die, Bravo's still squirmin' with its latest fashion series, Launch My Line, debuting this week.

The show is a stretch at the very least - 'industry professionals' pair up with fashion designers who then help them create a clothing line. I had to read the description multiple times - and make various diagrams - before (semi)understanding what the show is about.

However, I am excited for designer Vice Detective Crockett to keep me company on those lonely Wednesday nights.

There Are Some Things You Should Never Do With A Turkey

Off to NJ for the holiday, but wanted to leave you with some really disturbing images before I go.

Happy Thanksgiving.

MObama, You Did It Again

MObama was a vision in sequined Naeem Khan last night at the state dinner. The woman pretty much hit it out of the park thrice over: she supported a not terribly well-known designer, showed off a pinch of cleave, AND brought the party with a high, almost punky, updo.

Well played, Michelle. Well played.


Now dear, sweet Desiree put in a valiant effort, but the jury's still out on that Comme des Garcons apron.

THANK YOU Nordstrom.

American Eagle Outfitters: Surprising In A Good Way

My cousins shop at American Eagle Outfitters. They are 12 and 15. Since I have a good decade on them, the preppy adolescent mecca one step up from Aeropostale and a few floors down from J.Crew wouldn't normally appeal to me.

However, don't let the rep deceive you. I went in to find a Xmas gift, and was greeted by a fantastic plaid shirt - in the men's section. Or boys in men's bodies section.

Regardless, the shirt has three redeeming qualities:

1. It's not cheap-looking.

2. My butt is covered, which is crucial when wearing leggings or skinny jeans without the ass of a 14-year-old model.

3. That obnoxious eagle emblem they stick on ALL their clothing is barely visible! As you'll see from above, it's sewn in a neutral grey that disappears within the plaid pattern.

Just say it's vintage - people usually leave you alone after that.

Givhan Sticks It To The Celeb

This woman rules my world.

Robin Givhan gave a speech recently at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago where she blasted celeb fashion lines, using a brilliant analogy involving Donna Karan and karaoke.

Givhan expressed excitement (or at least dignified content) that the lines are not selling as fabulously as their fabulous designers would hope them to.

The blunt, brilliant WaPo writer also touched upon Sarah Palin and her Naughty Monkeys before exiting the podium, commenting that the choice of red patent heels didn't help her sexism wolf crying.

Palin Can't Run Away From Her Mouth

I've barely had time to detox from the vomit-inducing Oprah interview before hearing about this Palin Newsweek cover. She's peeved because the image was taken from a shoot for Runner's World, calling the whole thing "sexist and oh-so-expected by now".

Hey pot, it's kettle.

Oh, Victoria.

I just can't with this.

Dandy Drae Campbell Wants Mick Jagger's Lips On Her Cake

Dandy and her thoughts have arrived.

I consider this video fashion-related as topics include pants, smocks, a pink pearl, and Madonna.

Watch it, laugh, and learn.

You Know Christmas Is Coming When Slutty Santa Makes An Appearance

It's officially Christmas season according to the decked out store windows, festive catalog shots, and that Lexus commercial already here to make us angry.

Although I'm still of the old school mindset that any green, red, or guilded decor should not be seen until after Thanksgiving, I've resigned myself to the fact that this is a permanent, global decision.

So the prize so far for most head-turning display goes to.. none other than Pier One. They have succeeded in creating the concept of sexy Christmas, with a kinky little Mrs. Claus apron / foreplay uniform in their window. Yes, it's conservative when worn in the kitchen with your children, but can be quite risque under the mistletoe with nothing underneath. And eggnog in hand.

Just when you thought skimpy fill-in-the-blank costumes disappeared November 1st...

SELF Rewarded For Making Kelly Un-Kelly Like

Unabashed retouching of celebs and models in women's mags is no new news. However, SELF recently felt the pangs of going overboard on Kelly Clarkson's curves, which resulted in a severe lack of sales. Good. One should get in big trouble for changing someone's entire physique and attempting to get away with it.

But here comes the bad news. According to WWD, the magazine has scored a whole bunch of advertisers for its January issue. Quite disappointing as I believe they should still be on timeout wearing a dunce cap for at least a few more issues.

Nothing Trumps A Man In Fur

My insanely talented friend, Oron Stenesh, is in the process of planning his one-man show, The Big 3-0.

I styled him - including old-age makeup, whew - for the show's promotional pics. Here's one of my faves. Mostly because there's a mink stole involved.

Photo by Erin Wigger, erinwigger.com.

I. Must. Own. These. Boots.

I'm still getting around to buying new boots. Yes I'm behind shedule, I know. However, I am both irked and perplexed by the insistence within the fashion community - whether it be by way of blog, catalog, or Jill Martin - that I MUST HAVE riding boots this fall.

What exactly will happen if one does not acquire them for the months ahead? Will your feet fall off? Will you be confined to the indoors, crippled by the embarrassment of not being properly attired on the streets of Manhattan? I understand the marketing advantage of such Veruca Salt lingo, but that doesn't make it any less laughable.

Now excuse me while I purchase those 2009 riding boots before I drop dead.

Props To Stella For Being Stylish And British

Stella McCartney has been named Britain’s Best Dressed of 2009 by Harper's Bazaar. Now unlike those misfits in this year's Vanity Fair group, I actually agree with Harper's decision.

Stella not only designs well, she dresses impeccably without looking like she really cares all that much.

Sinful Is The First Adjective That Comes To Mind When I Think Of Coldwater Creek

The Coldwater Creek catalog arrived in my mailbox yesterday. For giggles, I leafed through and found several gems. Not clothes, mind you, but these bits of text entitled "Style Notes".

They really are amazing. In a sad, ridiculous, befuddling way.

Say goodbye to the knit dress that looked perfect on the hanger, only to show all sins...

Wait - do we need to haul our hips to the nearest Catholic church? I assume they mean curves and just hit four wrong keys. And a nerve.

GapKids And The Elementary School Band Jacket It No Longer Has

GapKids debuted its Stella McCartney line this week and (adult) fashion blogs have taken notice of a particular band jacket that has been selling out all over the city - and online, where it doesn't exist.

I strolled over to my local GapKids on the UES on Monday to check out the little jacket with a big reputation. I had heard that the largest size was roomy enough for a small, skinny adult to fit into. Well this was very untrue. The jacket, while attractive in a drum major sort of way, had the approximate shoulder width of maybe a foot and a half... and costs over $100.

I can't wait to see one of those grown-up fashionistas with the body of a pre-pubescent boy walking down the street in one, unable to move her arms.

Heels Are An Affront To Women, According To Those Who Are Not Women

You have to hand it to the British. They can take something as harmless as a woman’s shoe and make it into a big, fat problem. The Trade Union Congress has decided to take issue with a woman’s right to choose …her footwear. The mostly male institution has decided that the heel is a very dangerous weapon in their country’s workplace, as it hinders women’s self-esteem on the job, and is vewhy, vewhy badsie for their poor, little tootsies.

This is fascinating on so many levels; perhaps the most perplexing, and obvious, being that men have come to this conclusion. And correct me if I’m wrong, but there aren’t a whole lot of Henrys, Edwards, and Colins wearing stilettos to the office, and therefore, don’t have the right to make a judgment on another gender’s body part.

Hmm, this sounds awfully familiar to another issue. What is it again? Starts with an A, rhymes with smabortion..

Shorts: Just One Step Away From A See-Through Top And Nipple Tassels

She’s usually so on par. I just can’t figure out what happened. Sasha’s getting on her last nerve? (It is almost back to school time.) Whatever the impetus, Michelle Obama suffered from a severe lapse in judgment last week when she exited Air Force One en route to a Grand Canyon vacation wearing nothing but a cheek-baring mini-skirt, Axl Rose shredded mid-riff, and no underwear. The country is up in arms. As it should be.

Oh. wait.

She was wearing underwear. And the mid-driff was a button-down and cami combo. And the mini was actually a pair of conservative shorts.

Yes, the country is basically having a cow that our First Lady decided to don a pair of shorts in 100+ degree weather on her family vacay. With all the criticism pouring in, she would have been better off borrowing garments and a full-length apron from one of the Colorady City Mormon wives.

Those offended may argue that her sartorial decision was inappropriate because it was too casual and not official First Lady attire. I don’t buy it. Their true beef is that Michelle opted to show some skin.

This incident is no different than the hoopla that ensued when Mrs. Obama started wearing sleeveless dresses. For some cryptic reason, the country has a problem with the poor woman’s appendages. Should we reserve a burqa for her next public outing?

I am not going to enter into racial issue territory (although there is probably something to be said of that); this is primarily a female thing. She’s breaking boundaries, and using her femininity, sexuality, independence, and common sense (hello, Arizona heat?) to do so. Whether she realizes or not.

Or cares.

Those Pleats Are Perfect For Hiding Your Issues

I have yet to go on a dating site (not that there’s anything wrong with them - except eHarmony), but have many times contemplated it. Usually what trips me up is the witty/come hither/non-chalant one-liner I have to create to bait my soulmate. And then it totally dawned on me:

Pleated pants need not apply.

A man’s pleated pant symbolizes many deep, emotional issues that I refuse to deal with. If you choose pleats over flat-front, then:

a. You’re a textbook momma’s boy. Your mother bought you pleated pants when you were nine to wear to church, or funerals, or middle school recitals.

b. You have body issues. I have interrogated several male friends who wear pleated pants to scoop out the reasoning behind their sartorial choice. The answer more times than not is that they believe the pants make them look thinner. This is wrong. Pleats do not create any positive illusion. And I don’t really want to hear this from a guy; it’s just a step away from you asking to borrow my Spanx.

c. You don’t know anything about fashion. This is not really a problem, since you don’t have to know a lick about what Cathy Horyn’s writing about, but you do have to pay some attention to what pants are being displayed in the windows of J. Crew. Because then at least I know you shop in normal dude stores that cater towards a customer with a median age younger than 65.

Screw Philanthropy. I Just Want To Dress Well

My goal in life is to make it on Vanity Fair’s International Best-Dressed List. And with the big reveal of VF’s 2009 line-up, I am once again reminded of the sole thing I must labor arduously towards.

Unfortunately, seeing as how I am not a First Lady, head of an Italian fashion empire, or “rumpled artist”, I may have to come to grips with the possibility that a spot on the roster could very well never happen.

So, logically, the next best thing is to make fun of the current choices I disagree with.

1. Kelly Ripa. Forget how Ripa dresses. The mere inclusion of her compromises the intregrity of my lovely list. She does commercials for appliances where she throws food. At kids.

2. Renee Zellweger. She wears Carolina Herrera. That’s it. Looking good in Carolina Herrera when you are the size of a celiac adolescent boy is not a feat to be applauded.

3. Brad Pitt. Am I the only one that thinks Brangelina always looks a little bit off in their (its?) sartorial choices? I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s just not quite right. Like the faux distress of Brad’s shoes, maybe. Or the faux Europeanness of him as a person.

And I must give a shout out to my fave this year:

H.H. Sheikha Mozah of Qatar. My mother made her bridesmaids wear jade turbans. This woman is the only person on Earth who would have looked good in that wedding album.

I'm Sorry Jill Martin, But Why Are You Employed

For those of you who aren’t as mildly addicted to The Today Show as I am, you may not know of Jill Martin. Jill is the resident style expert on the show and therefore host of their weekly Plaza Ambush Makeover (a segment where the most pathetic looking and sounding person with the fanciest homemade sign gets to tell their sob story on TV and be made over, because nice hair and good clothes can make you forget the bank took your house).

Now, I don’t know when my true hatred for Jill began. I have been a longtime Today Show watcher, but usually just have it on in the background as I get ready for work. But over time, I started perking up for the big reveal moments when Jill’s chosen ones came out from behind the curtain to show their family members the new them. So I guess I do know when my hatred began. It’s when I actually looked at what she made those poor people wear.

I am sure Jill’s a very pleasant lady. But when you realize she is responsible for the embarrassing monstrosities that are supposed to be new and improved afters, I guarantee you will begin to hate Jill too.

I can’t figure out if the woman just doesn’t know what she’s doing, OR if she has assumed that anything she puts these Midwestern lost souls in will be an improvement from the pleated denim shorts they have clung to for years. Yes Aunt Frances – you WILL like this gold lame skirt I put you in. I am from New York and am on TV. You are the size of the trailer you live in and haven’t gone shopping in a decade. Wear the skirt. Love the skirt. I am a fashion guru.